September 2002 -- Question: I am aware of all the work being done to educate parents in our sport. Would you discuss the position of most experts regarding the parents’ role in a junior player’s development?
Answer: The USTA Sport Science Committee has been examining the role of parents and parent education for several years. Under the supervision of our Parent Education subcommittee co-chairs, Bill Foley and Jim Loehr, Ed.D., much progress has been made in educating parents about roles in the lives of young tennis players. Bill Foley and his team in San Diego have put together some very good parental tips that I will share with you. I called Bill to discuss this, and he believes there are seven deadly habits of highly
ineffective tennis parents. They are:
- Blaming
- Complaining
- Nagging
- Threatening
- Punishing
- Rewarding
On the surface, these seven words may not have a lot of meaning, but as they relate to a young person’s development in a sport, they can be crushing over time.
I have yet to meet a parent who did not want the best for his or her child. Parents
do love their children. And maybe that’s the problem; this love gets misconstrued with thinking that the parent
always knows what is best for the child. In life, yes, it’s the parent’s role to love, nurture, discipline, teach and support. There is no question that if parents take this role in their child’s life, the child has a chance to grow in a healthy way. It is when the parent crosses boundaries (and
that is the key word – boundaries) that problems occur. Very few parents (and yes, I acknowledge that some parents have done it and done it well) have the capability to be a
parent and a
tennis coach.
As Paul Annacone has said, “When the player is gone, the person remains.” What a powerful statement from one of our leaders today and also from a former world-ranked player. Having said this, what is the role of a parent in a young tennis player’s life? Before I respond to the question, please know that I believe the parent can play a significantly positive role in player development.
First, know your child’s “why.” At LGE Performance Systems Inc., we call this knowing someone’s purpose. Why does your child “want” to practice, why does your child “want” to play in tournaments? The quotations around the “want” are intentional because, if your child doesn’t “want” to be there to practice or compete, forcing them or nagging them to do so is often not a positive path to take. Most children who “want” to be on the tennis court “want” to have fun. They enjoy others, feel a sense of accomplishment, enjoy striking the ball and maybe really enjoy the heat of competition.
Parents should be a 100 percent support mechanism for the child. Parents can play a huge role in helping children understand the importance of balance and rest, how to respect their coaches and peers, how to eat better, and how to abide by the rules. A great tennis parent takes the pressure “off” the player and does not “add” more pressure. The research data is significant that the absence of pressure is a major factor in enabling someone to reach what we call the Ideal Performance State, bringing all of his or her talent and skill to life when it counts.
The USTA has a booklet I recommend,
USA Tennis Parents’ Guide. It details all the concepts I have outlined in this short column. I also recommend that we, as leaders, step up and take ownership in educating parents. Get involved with your community in creating parent education seminars. In San Diego, they have a standards of behavior form that players, coaches and parents read and sign to ensure everyone starts out on the same page. The document explains the mission of Youth Tennis San Diego and the standards of responsibility of all people at the tennis center. The form concludes with the statement, “Compete with dignity and have fun.” Let’s follow the lead being created and team up with parents in the healthy development of their children.
Send questions to jgroppel@LGEPerformance.com.
